adoption · life · parenting · self-care

Our unforgivable weaknesses

Today has been a long day. One of those days you know will be hard from the very start. A day starting with a toddler’s finger stinging my eye, followed by finding some home decor tore to pieces, and topped by hysterical crying. Not only I’ve survived it, but I also managed all conflicts very well and kept everyone happy. I succeeded in not losing my temper even once, which I consider a big win for myself.
Lately I’ve been reflecting a lot about how our personal weaknesses affect our parenting. I have one strong belief, which is that our kids will not forgive us if we let our flaws get in the way of how we parent. I am the daughter of two very anxious parents, which greatly affected my life while I was growing up and made me inherit a strong anxiety. To the day, I fight daily not to let it get control over me. I have tons of irrational fears inherited from my parents’ worries which affect my daily life. Luckily, I’ve become aware of the source of my anxiety when I was younger, and when I became a mother I was more than determined not to let it get in my way. And I am proud to say I’ve succeeded and found a well-balanced parenting style. I could even dare to say I’m the careless parent in the couple – you know, the kind that believes in letting children learn to climb by having them fall down.
I have always believed that life is a personal journey to become your best self. When I became a parent, my motivation doubled. Now I need to be my best self, as I stand as an example to two small people, who I will greatly influence. I cannot afford to infect them with my flaws.
This is not about being perfect nor perfectionist, not at all. I am proud to show my journey to my kids. What better life lesson than showing my struggles and how I cope with them? I like to think that I am learning with them. I recall that when I was little, my parents never apologised to me. They felt saying sorry was a sign of weakness. I believe instead there’s no better show of strength than having the confidence and courage to admit you are wrong and apologise. After all, that’s what we require of our kids when they offend a friend or argue with a sibling. Whenever I lose my temper and shout, I always ask for forgiveness afterwards. And I think my kids respect me for that. It gives us closure and it shows a practical way of dealing with overwhelming emotions. It takes away the guilt and allows me to learn and do better next time.
This personal journey can be exhausting at times. It requires constant self-criticism, strategising, and lots of energy to make major changes when necessary. But it’s like to get a second chance at growing up and when you watch that little person mirroring you, that you you’ve built with all the effort, you have no doubts: it was worth it.

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