In the adoption community, I pride myself with being a small bridge between two realities, the one in Italy and the one in Finland. Two systems and countries, with different support systems and engagement. Sometime I stumble upon stories, studies, and more on one side… and I always share it on the other. It’s the case for this heartwarming letter signed by Italian writer and adoptive dad Fabio Selini. This letter won in the category “Letter of an adoption” in the literary competition Festival delle lettere. It is so real and powerful that I asked the author’s permission to translate it in English and publish it here. Please forgive my imperfect translation and do not blame the author. If you can read Italian, find the original text here.

Dear Marco and Giuseppe,
I write you this letter because I need to tell you how important you are in my son’s and my family’s lives.
Sometime one has to sit, face a piece of paper, and let words flow. Writing a letter demands time and time allows to overcome trivialities, dig deeper, and leave behind a genuine but shallow “Thank you”. In this short piece I want to thank you as best as I can. You deserve the same attention and dedication you reserve for my sweet and complex child.
For over two years you have been part of my son’s life and you transformed it, made it better and less difficult. It was not easy to approach his issues, not to give in to mistrust, it was not easy to face his negative reputation and the intolerance surrounding him. My son and school, a neverending fight he always lost, ending with labels and disappointment. The difficult child, the violent one, disruptive, impossible to manage. You went beyond the labels to take care of the “character”, the child. That’s what this is all about, meeting the struggles and the issues of a child.
A child who lived for over five years without the love of a family, who had to take care of himself without really knowing how, who was deprived of most things every child should be entitled to. A father, a mother, a sister, a family, a future.
How could one ignore all that pain? How could one not understand it?
That restless, distraught child who cannot sit still in class, who does not learn, who lives in his own explosive dimension.
The different child, the dangerous child, a threat for school dynamics. No one dare break that toy! No one dare demand anything from the school system!
When we speak of “inclusive education”, in truth we find empty solace. The school system is not always capable of including everyone, of helping children who struggle and end up left behind. The celebrated “guidelines” [for inclusive education, ed.] and all the projects become empty policies on paper with no dimension or opportunities for development. Projects are stuck in fail, ignorance, lack of resources, incompetence or, worse, they are ill-managed. And so the difficult child gets eaten by the same system that should protect him. He slowly turns into an enemy of the system and feels like one.
As it often happens to adopted children, my son too had to endure exclusion to the point of being forced to leave his school. Too troubled to allow other children to grow and get their education. Too complex to be “solved” by teachers. He had to escape to stop feeling like a victim and like the problem at the same time. The only bull in a shop full of “china children”.
No one saw that the most fragile of all was that bull.
Years have gone by, we faced challenges before meeting you. When everything seemed lost, you appeared. The thin one and… the less thin. Men, teachers, professional, and wonderful people. Right away you have resolved to value the beautiful before facing the ugly. The ugly wasn’t hard to find.
You have decided to pick up the pieces and build back. You haven’t done it alone, you asked for his help. With the patience and the tenacity of those who know other people’s pain and commit to carry some.
You got him involved, you showed him that even the tiny pieces that have fallen far away can be found and recovered. That nothing is truly lost. You have learned to never give up and taught him the same. One step onwards and sometime two steps backwards. Sometime one backwards and three onwards. Without stopping. Like a complex and beautiful dance, a dance that goes on to the day. Every day, surrounded by the walls of a classroom that felt hostile at first, you have build a relationship based on support and protection, on trust and perspective. You have built his future.
You have achieved what Pennac describes at the end of one of his books. You have picked up that swallow that kept hitting the window glass and you have helped it fly away.
You never gave in to the comfortable evidence, you chose to believe and support its flight.
Because that child is not a bull and even if he was, he would have big wings. And you know it… you have always known.
Thank you.
Fabio.