In a recent post, I have shared some reflections on my own cultural identity and how I set to help my children build theirs. Cultivating our son’s birth culture is one of the hardest thing I have ever done. It takes a considerable amount of time and even more commitment and intention. In this post I will share concrete down-to-earth tips for parents in the same situation. Many of these suggestions are useful for all multicultural families, but I especially hope they can give a lead to other adoptive parents to start on this journey. I am aware I can never replace my son’s experience of growing up in his birth country. My hope is to help him build awareness and love of his cultural roots and help him integrate them in his identity. 

Festivals

The first tool I use is Google Calendar and its in-built Indian festival calendar. The calendar alerts me when a festival is approaching. This gives me the time to research it online and to decide if and how we want to adopt it. I also believe in progressive goals, so I usually add 1-2 festivities every year, slowly building our family traditions. For instance right now I’m researching Holi as we plan to celebrate it for the first time this year.

My typical research includes:

• what is the meaning behind a festivity and if there’s any linked myth/belief (storytelling is a big part of Indian culture)
• how it’s named and how it’s celebrated in my son’s region
• through YouTube videos I often find out how modern Indians celebrate at home. And of course I can rely on my precious friends’ advice if I need to.

I try to separate religious and secular rituals, to avoid the risk of mocking up religious beliefs. It’s not an exact science with Indian culture, but that’s where I aim. Given how small children are not big on front lectures, I often use reading and crafts as an excuse to share what I have learned with my kids. For instance, last fall we made a Ganesha clay figure for Ganesh Chaturthi.

Food

The second big element for us is food. As Italians we get why this matters 😄. I don’t reserve cooking Indian food to special occasions. I want Indian culture to be part of our everyday life. Personally I have given myself the goal of cooking one Indian dish every week – I rotate the few I’m confident with and test a new one every 1-2 months. If life is too hectic, I rely on takeaway from a local restaurant (vetted by Indian friends 😄). My top tip is: if you look for online recipes, look for Indian blogs/vlogs! For the love of god don’t get your dal recipe from Jamie Oliver.

Indian food is a universe of its own to explore! Food goes beyond taste: food is roots, food is creating memories, food is family.

Social media

Social media connect us with different realities, including different cultures. I use social media to cultivate Indian culture at home in two main ways:

• by filling my own feed with Indian voices – mom bloggers who show their daily life, food bloggers who share Indian recipes, comedians who teach about Indian customs through jokes, but also Indian activists who share social fights. I also follow white people in intercultural relationships with Indian partners or Indian-American content creators, because they sometime explain cultural details Indians give for granted (white gaze for good? 😅). [let me be 100% clear: follow Indian voices first and foremost. Comfort is not friend with learning] 
• by using specific content to show my son daily life in India. For instance we follow some accounts of Italian people living in India who share everyday life there in Italian language. My son loves to watch the simplest things, like people cooking or shopping at the market. If you speak a language other than English, finding expat accounts is a good way to overcome it. It works also the other way around: we follow Indians living in Italy, although they create less content localised in India [always vet content before showing it to your children].

Books

I always use reading as an educational tool in my home. We filled our shelves with books on India and Indian culture. Privilege buying books written by Indian authors. I’d rather buy a book in English written by an Indian author and translate on the fly, rather than buying books in Italian written by a white author. We also own photography books showing life in India. They offer more realistic snapshots of the country than children’s books. And finally, there’s my own learning. Fiction by Indian authors, history or biography books are says for me to learn and then passing on to my son (I just finished the amazing The White Tiger by Aravind Adiga, much recommended). 

Movies

Movies and animation series are great resources to explore a culture and strengthen cultural ties. One praise for Netflix is how it’s making movies from all countries global. Have you ever noticed the wide selection of Asian movie content there? Prime Video has less but a better language selection – if you want your adopted child to preserve their birth language and you need support tools, check it out. And don’t forget YouTube, which is always full of excellent content if you can dig it out. From children’s animation series like Mighty Little Beem to great non-Bollywood movies like Newton or Tandav, we have found plenty of content on streaming platforms to foster our tie with India, both for our son and for us parents. I love also a good ol’ Bollywood movie but India’s movie industry offers so much more than that. Documentaries are also great to show life or traditions in your child’s birth country, as well as the natural landscape [always check the age rating].

Play

Kids learn through play, so why not using games to teach them about their birth culture? I have mentioned above how we use crafting as an activity to learn about festivals and Indian culture. Our family also loves boardgames and tabletop games. They are a way to spend quality time together and we occasionally use them with a learning purpose too. Nowadays game producers have a huge selection for all the ages and some businesses create culture-themed games.

Take Indigrow Kids. Weeks ago I had a chat over Zoom with Akhila, co-founder. She shared how she started the Indigrow business to help families introduce kids to different cultures. She sent us the memory game tiles as well as the book “A to Z of India”. My kids love playing with the memory game and it provides us opportunities to unpack what’s behind the concepts depicted in the tile figures. Akhila explained me that they want to make world cultures accessible and fun, leaning in on children’s candid curiosity. Their game definitely does that for our family.

There are many ways to use games to support your child’s cultural journey:

• present them with traditional games from their country of origin e.g. Pachisi (old games as well as contemporary)
• use arts and crafts to introduce specific cultural aspects 
• find games that mentions details of their birth country (e.g. Ticket to Ride: India, great to learn India’s geography)
• seek out small businesses like Indigrow Kids whose mission is to support families in their multicultural journey.

Adoption and cultural identity have a complex relationship. As I said at the start, I know nothing will replace the experience of growing in an Indian family. However, as an adoptive mother I accept my role and my responsibility in the fact that my son cannot have this opportunity. I feel an obligation towards giving him references around his roots and his culture of origin. I hope this will help him build confidence around his own cultural identity.

Did you find new ideas in this post? Or do you have anything to add? Let me know in the comments below.

Featured Photo by Unfold Memory on Unsplash.
Indigrow Kids sent me their game and book to try. Opinions are mine and sincere, read about my values here.