My husband’s active role in raising our kids is crucial in our family. During both parental leaves, I urged to go back to work and he took the lead in caring for our kids at home. Finland is quite avant-garde when it comes to parental roles, but in other countries there’s plenty of work to do when it comes to family policies and social perception. Inspired by all this, I have started a blog series called Daddy’s Got This to give stay-at-home dads visibility and a platform to share their feelings, perspective, daily life.

The voices in the blog series Daddy’s Got This are growing diverse. I asked Tristan, an expat dad living in Norway who blogs in French at Barbapapa, to share his perspective and story. Tristan enjoys the equal policies of Norway: he put a pin on his career to take care of his two children and equally share the load with his wife. His blog is not only a testimony about a personal experience, but it’s crossing European borders and stimulating a lively discussion about parental policies back in France.

I probably became a blogger on that specific day, when the official subtitle appeared under my face. I was invited to debate on gender equality by a French media for women (Femmes Actuelles) in a TV studio surrounded by washing machines. “Your blog about paternity leave in Norway did catch our attention”, said the producer to me, paying my ticket from Oslo to Paris. She wanted to hear the stories of a French manager in Scandinavia, putting on hold his career for several months to take care of his baby. From managing a team to changing dippers at home, in a country where 70% of fathers take at least three months of parental leave.

When I started my blog (in French – barbapapa.blog), I knew my experience and my engagement would surprise the French audience. For several reasons: being a man and blogging about paternity is very rare. Gender equality is a hot topic. Scandinavian system is fascinating. The new generation of French fathers is more and more willing to have longer paternity leave. I was excited to start my pappaperm (paternity leave, ed.) and spend time with my baby. And to blog about it.

I was of course describing the daily routine of taking care of a baby. I was just doing what all mothers in France were doing. But I was a man, engaged, and my stories were considered as entertaining. So what I was doing was redefining fatherhood. And this went bigger than expected.

My blog raised quickly media attention: France Info TV did a web video about me viewed 2.5 million times, in which I publicly ask French government to take inspiration from the Nordic system. The Huffington post had already published my first article. “The day I announced my long parental leave to my manager” where I compared myself to my former women colleagues in France and I was stressed like a pregnant woman. I got interviewed by many magazines and three major TV channels France 2, M6 and Arte travelled to Norway to perform a TV reportage where I was the key character. 

My story was unique as I could chronicle the two paternity leaves I enjoyed: ten days for my first child born in France and five months full paid parental leave (same as my wife) for my second child born in Norway. I insisted on a key difference that I mentioned in many of my articles: in Oslo, I was taking care of my baby alone as my wife was back to work. I wasn’t a co-pilot, I was a pilot. I was in charge, on my own. This is an element that is a game changer for the society as it gives the whole responsibility to the father.

Through my daily routine with my baby, I was also describing the new generation of fathers that take and enjoy parental leave. “Fathers from the North that will shake up France” was my big idea. The tone of my articles was always positive, driven by sense of humor, engagement and sincerity. At the beginning of my leave, I was afraid of loneliness, boring time, and long monologue with my baby. I figured out that in Oslo, paternity leave is a way to discover new people and friends. I had an activity almost every day where I met other parents: collective promenade in the forest organized by an association (DNT), baby swimming, playgrounds. I met new friends like Mikkel, who taught me how to fish while carrying a baby; Pierre, whom I attended a class “how to cook food for your baby” with; Einar, whom I was doing papa and baby yoga with.

Of course, it does not sound very “masculine” for southern Europeans. And very often, I was called names, especially when my articles were political. But it did not stop me and it didn’t really bother me.

My initial thought was to address my articles to men, young or soon-to-be fathers. But very few read parenting blogs. The trend is a bit changing, but it goes slowly. I realised quickly most of my readers were young urban French mothers, aka “digital mums”. My experiences reminded them of their own maternity leave and they were projecting my paternity leave on their husband. “When I read your stories Tristan, I am always wondering how my husband would have lived it. I sent him your last article! ”, was a typical message I would receive. “My wife is following you”, many men would tell me (which annoyed me a bit!).

Many digital mums criticized the fact that I was too optimistic in my version of the leave. Sometimes, I wrote articles to please my audience! They appreciated a lot “The man who saw the bottle of milk half full” where I described the difficulties of the tasks. I recently read in an article that «immigrants in Norway were particularly attached to the pappa-perm as they cannot take long leave it in their homeland.” I could identity myself in that.

The blog reached its highest popularity when the Norwegian TV network, NRK, interviewed me: social media, online articles, videos in the news. If you want to practice your Norwegian, have a look!

My commitment will continue. “Never forget that a long parental leave will help you to be a better father, a better husband but also a better manager”, said a Norwegian father on his blog. “And a better writer”? I just signed a contract with one of the most famous publisher, Hachette, to have a book version of the blog.
A book from North Europe that will shake up France.

About the author

Tristan is a French father of two living in Norway. He writes in French on his parenting blog Barbapapa. You can follow his family adventures also on Facebook and Instagram.