It’s still the first half of January and I am trying to convince myself that I am still in time for a start-of-the-year’s post. My 2018 sucked. Yeah, there’s no way to sugarcoat it. Sure there are silver linings, but overall I am just glad I can leave it behind. It has been a tough year for me and my family. Overcoming the adversities has taught us so much and has forced us to change many aspects of our lives for the better, but we are still in recovery mode and plan to take it easy in 2019.

On the last day of 2018, my mind was flooded with anxiety that 2019 would be exactly the same, with the exception that I/we wouldn’t survive it. Rationally I know it’s plain BS, but you know how anxiety plays the fears in your head… Truth is, I have started training plenty of useful and good qualities last year and I am hopeful things will be better. One of them is patience, meaning the capability of waiting and trusting things will be alright. I am now aware how much I fear uncertainty and how my impulse is to hurry and take decisions, even when they are not the best. Having a crappy plan is way better than having no plan for me. Looking at the void in the future is unbearable for me. Well, was unbearable. I have been training my mind and my spirit for months to accept and welcome the uncertainty of life. Wax on, wax off.

To be fair, 2018 had a purpose and even some good times. Out of grit I’ve completed a 80 km bike race, which was way beyond my capabilities. We had a great family summer trip to UK and still treasure memories of it. I’ve kick-started support for international adopters in Finland, thus repurposing our personal hell. Last spring my colleagues voted for me to win a company award for my efforts and personal initiative. My husband found a great job after months of unemployment. The kids were healthy and E made huge progress in everything. Alright, 2018 was hard, but not all to waste.

How to live 2019 at my best? I’m trying to learn from my mistakes, embrace uncertainties but also set achievable and measurable goals. I set weekly goals, monthly goals, and I have two very defined yearly goals: keep up with meditating at least 80% of days and launching a local community for international adopters.

Concerning this blog, I set some targets. For a long time I wanted to migrate to a self-hosted solution and to polish the layout. As you can see, I’ve finally got ahold of it and have a brand new theme and, hopefully, more control on the whole website through plugins. It may also mean a lot of links are broken and I hope you will be patient while I fix them. I want to grow my social media reach in Finland and in the adoption community. Most of all, last year I came to define what this blog means to me. I am not planning to turn it into a business, this is and will be a creative hobby for myself. This blog has allowed me to develop new skills, meet interesting people and hear their stories, and also connect in real life with other parents and new friends. I got feedback of how my experiences have uplifted and supported strangers, and that’s the best outcome I can hope for! When I started writing, I was sure of two things: one, I needed a place to elaborate and articulate my own struggles and parenting experiences; two, I was aware of how other people’s stories had supported me and I wanted to give back my share, hopefully reach out to people who felt isolated and needed experiences to relate to. These are my main motivations for working on this blog and what will fuel me next year as well.

Let’s hope 2019 will be the year of recovery, health, and balance.

Goodbye 2018, you crumpled me a bit, but you served me well. Thank you, but now I need to leave you behind.

Dear 2019… bring it on!