When my oldest child R. started school at 7 years of age, I was shocked to learn that most parents equipped children with a smartphone, with various levels of parental controls and restrictions. Almost all children with a smartphone had also access to WhatsApp (minimum age in EU: 16 years old). At the time I felt it was definitely too early to buy a smartphone to my child. I and her father opted for a basic phone with no internet access. We were also very clear about the purpose of the device: for her and us to be in contact when we needed – calling and texting friends was extra. To teach restraints, we also decided on a limited yearly load, which was 50 EUR. We taught R. how to check her credit level and made her responsible to not end up without credit, which would have defied the purpose of her having a phone in the first place. Obviously this situation happened a couple of times and she was required to pay a credit load out of her own money (she learned the lesson quickly).

Our kids are now 8 and 10, in 2nd and 4th grade respectively. They still have a basic phone and no internet access. We have no plans to buy either of them a smartphone because we still feel it is awfully early. Research by INGO Save the children shows that 90% of children in Finland are sexually exploited online, so it is a very concrete risk. Recent news stress a connection between screen addiction and declining school performance in Finland and past research by University of Helsinki has correlated elevated screen time with obesity. The risks and issues associated with early use of a smartphone and internet severely outranks the benefits. And what are those benefits, really? My children’s social life is extremely active, despite them having different personalities. They have plenty of friends, visit their homes, play outdoors. R. is an avid reader, loves dancing, and spends hours making crafts. E. trades Pokemon cards with friends, reads comic books, and plays football. Not having a smartphone does not limit their social or intellectual life in anyway, if anything it enhances it greatly! They are making real connections with their friends and have the time and headspace to cultivate their hobbies.

While E. has not manifested a wish to own a smartphone, R. often pleaded with us. We had hard discussions over the years and once she even threatened to go on a hunger strike (2 long hours). She is the only kid in her class (and one of a handful in the whole school) not having a smartphone and her classmates even have a class group chat. Naturally she feels excluded at times (although, I wish to stress again, they are not excluding her and as said, she has solid friendships in the class). We parents obviously felt the pressure of this situation, but the evidence against her owning a smartphone was simply overwhelming. Also, we foresaw all the discussions we would have with her about limiting her screen time or access to specific apps (each app = one argument… “but all my friends have it” ugh no thanks). We have been transparent about our motivations to deny a smartphone and it helped greatly for us to watch the Netflix documentary The social dilemma with her.

We adults struggle to limit our smartphone screen time, how can we pretend a child wouldn’t struggle even more? Is peer pressure really the right reason to do anything? I know many parents have our same concerns but it feels so much harder to do something against the status quo. This is why I am sharing our experience here today. I won’t pretend it has been easy to get till here, we had arguments and doubts. However after a few years, I can definitely testify that it has been the right choice. I am witnessing both of my children flourish under every aspect. They have retained creativity, curiosity, and imagination. They have a healthy and active lifestyle. They have a rich social life among their peers and still regularly spend time with us parents too. A smartphone would have taken all of this away from them and us.

So, when will we buy our children a smartphone? We don’t have an established timeline, but we plan to hold off still for a few years. We have now increased screen time for both kids (TV, Switch, tablet – all with strict parental controls and limited apps) and given them more freedom to pick how they are going to use it. We aim at using these years to teach them about technology, how to use it wisely and not be used by it. We select carefully apps and games, but are very cautiously taking more risk while kids get older. We are also aware that they watch more on their friends’ smartphones when they meet them. It’s a monitored and limited exposure. We have regular conversations about these topics, often prompted by things they observe in their friends or hear from them. We are trying to prepare them for their future technology consumption and hoping to train them properly to face the challenges we adults are dealing with.

I hope our experience can help other families. Let me know in the comments how you are handling this aspect of family life, I would love to hear other experiences.

Photo by Rodion Kutsaiev on Unsplash