This might be my post with the biggest time lag between intention and actual execution. It’s not that I lacked motivation to write it, but this topic is so intimate that every time I sat down I struggled to find the right words. Now I feel ready to share something and I hope our experience will encourage other families to sign up and become a support family in Finland.

What is a support family?

A support family (tukiperhe in Finnish) assists another family struggling by regularly taking care of their child (or children). The family builds a relationship with the support child (tukilapsi) and usually hosts her for a weekend every month. The relationship can last for some time (for example few months) or go on for longer – there is flexibility. This is a powerful form of support for family preservation.

Families that request a support family are usually going through a rough patch, for example a divorce, a death in the family, mental health issues, or they might have children with special needs, foster children, and so on. There is a wide variety of reasons why a family might need support for some time. I know many of my readers are immigrants like myself and they will get what I mean! Volunteering as a support family means giving concrete respite to another family, preserve their well-being, and even prevent a family breakdown. It’s a vital form of prevention.

Our experience

We became support family to a Finnish girl (now age 12) back in 2016. We had this opportunity by fate, so we didn’t go through the standard process and bureaucray. The girl (I call her U on my blog) had just turned 9 when we met her and didn’t speak English… and we didn’t speak fluent Finnish. That was awkward for a while, but we made it work and U improved her English quickly (she gave up on our Finnish skills quite fast 😛 ).

This is where it gets tough to find the words. We saw this timid girl flourish in the past few years. She benefited greatly from the relationship we built and we did too. Our kids call her sister and she became a member of our family.

Beside the language, it was challenging to find activities interesting for children of different ages – sometime it still is – but we always made it work. We also quickly realised that was she needed the most were relaxing boring family weekends, and not going to exciting places every single time. Growing familiar with each other has been a process for all of us.

Meeting by meeting it all built up to positive impact on her. It is making a difference in her life and that is all that matters. When U is with us, we just carry on with our family life. On some weekends we do something special – a small trip for example – but in most cases we just do normal family stuff. We play together, we cook and eat, we watch movies, and so on.

How to become a support family in Finland

You can sign up with several associations to become a support family. As far as I know, Save the Children is the only one providing training in English language. To sign up as a support family you can fill this form. You will go through a short training (about 4 hours in total), express your preferences and availability, and then wait for a match (that you will have to approve). I had a call with Olga, the project coordinator at Save The Children, and she told me there are over a hundred children waiting for a match. Your help is much needed!
Support families receive a small financial support to cover expenses.

What if you don’t speak Finnish?

While Olga told me that the best scenario is the one where at least one adult in the support family speaks fluent Finnish, it doesn’t mean you should not apply if no one in your family speaks Finnish. We are a walking example that it can work regardless.

Moreover, there are several support children that come from multilingual families. You might be a perfect match for someone struggling to find your set of language skills. Alternatively, an older child might be fluent enough in English to be able to communicate with your family. Olga told me there are some children waiting for a match that come from multicultural families. Imagine how easier the transition would be for them if they’d meet with a family with cultural roots similar to their own or speaking the same language they use at home. Don’t let your language skills stop you, they can even be an asset!

What if I need a support family myself?

While I wrote this post with a clear agenda to recruit new support families :D, I want to take the chance to share some information to allow multicultural families to benefit from this form of support. Like I mentioned above, this is a kind of temporary peer-to-peer support for families going through a rough patch. If you feel you are struggling with your daily life and that having a free weekend a month could make a difference for your family, this is an option you can consider. Or if you feel your child can benefit from developing a safe relationship with another family, this might be what you need.

If you want to get more information, contact Save the Children. To sign up and request a support family, fill this form (in Finnish but Google Translate does a good job and you can fill it in English).
There is no shame in asking for help, quite the opposite: it takes courage and strength to reach out. Please check also this list of resources for families.

I hope sharing our experience will inspire others to volunteer as a support family. Giving money to good causes is important, but giving time is equally impactful and needed. Time is the currency of love and some children or family need that more than ever.
My readers know we adopted our son. Adoption is not a feel-good story, but the dramatic consequence of failure in family preservation. Being a support family holds the power to prevent trauma and suffering, and requires a low investment of time and commitment. I hope you will consider making space in your busy schedule for this form of giving. It gives back tenfold, I promise.

I want to express my gratitude to Olga from Save The Children for answering all my questions on the matter. If time is really something you cannot spare, please consider donating to support Save the Children’s work in Finland.