Most adoption applicants get asked if they are willing to adopt a child of a different race and many take this question as “Are you capable of loving a child of a different race?” – we surely did this mistake. That’s not what you are asked. That question is not a test to check if you are a racist.

I would rewrite that question as a series of considerations:

🔸 are you willing to change your lifestyle – possibly in radical ways – to make sure your child has the support they need to confidently grow in their body?

🔸 are you willing to possibly leave your job and the house and neighbourhood you love, and move somewhere where your child has proper racial mirrors? This includes adults in different jobs and positions of influence (meeting other adoptive families is not enough).

🔸 are you willing to accept your limitations as a parent to support your child in their racial identity journey and to find the resources they need, even if it means you are cut off from parts of that journey?

🔸 are you humble enough to acknowledge that you or your love won’t be enough to support your child to navigate experiences that all books in the world won’t help you understand?

🔸 are you willing to allow your social circle to grow, build relationships in communities where you you feel like an outsider?

🔸 are you ready to accept that all your love, commitment, intention, won’t spare them the grief of growing up in a family where (possibly) no one looks like them, and are you ready to witness and embrace this grief, and accept your role in it?

🔸 are you willing to “do the work”, learn about antiracism, face your own racism and face your privilege?

To be clear, it’s okay to reply NO to any of these. You need to be honest with yourself and your partner. You may live in an all-white town yet have ties or a lifestyle your family is not willing to give up. However, if that’s the case, you need to reflect if your family is a good fit for a child of a different race.

If you don’t know where to start…

Anti-racism work is a journey and our generation is lucky to be able to listen to black activists’ and transracial adoptees’ voices. There’s tons of books and resources out there that can help you reflect on transracial adoption. These are simply the ones I know and I recommend to give you a headstart:

• [ebook] Standing in the gap A Workbook on Meeting the Needs of Your Transracial Adoptee by Hannah Matthews. Hannah is a transracial adoptee herself. This short guidebook is gold.
• [podcast] The Adoptee Next Door by Angela Tucker.
• [ebook] What white parents should know about transracial adoption by Melissa Guida-Richards.
• [book] Me and white supremacy by Layla F. Saad.
• [book] Palimpsest by Lisa Wool-Rim Sjöblom.
• [book] So you want to talk about race by Ijeoma Oluo.
• [podcast] Nice white parents by the New York Times.
• [book] How to be an antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi.

Whatever books or podcasts you will choose, give priority to content created by adoptees and/or non-white anti-racist activists. It’s easier to listen to someone who looks like you, but we’re not in this for easy, are we.

Accounts to follow on Instagram

Filling your social media with activist voices is a great way to foster continuous learning and keep yourself accountable in your day-to-day. Many of these people have a presence on other social media too. Here’s some Instagram accounts all parents in a transracial adoption have to follow:

• Jessenia at @iamadopted. She is a transracial adoptee and activist. I wholeheartedly recommend her series on adoptees’ mental health.
• Melissa at @adoptee_thoughts. Melissa didn’t find out about her transracial identity until adulthood and she is candid in sharing how that has deeply influenced her personal growth.
• No White Saviors. This account teaches me a lot every single day. They routinely talk about white saviorism in international adoption.
• Cam at @therapyredeemed. Cam is a transracial adoptee as well as a therapist. His excellent content aims at bridging the gap in transracial adoption.
• Amanda at @amandatda. Amanda is an adoptee and a therapist. Her content reveals her deep professional expertise. If you follow Amanda, it’s guarantee you’ll learn something new every day.
• Angela at @angieadoptee. Angela is a public speaker and a transracial adoptee. Her content will challenge you in unexpected ways.

These are just few accounts and I’m sure I left out someone who didn’t deserve to. Bottom line is, fill your feed with voices that can challenge you to grow and not those who echo what you already know.

Featured Photo by Obed Esquivel on Unsplash.